Mother’s day. I face it today with a bitter-sweetness. There is nothing that I have loved more than my children. I have five. I would have willingly accepted more, but the whole “you need a husband” thing didn’t work out as planned. But those five children have given me so much in life, not the least of which has been fodder for my writing! Every child holds a piece of myself…in addition to my very heart.
My readers will recognize them in my writings. In fact, each of them appears in “Maxie: A Football Story” as the characters are based on them!
Kaitlynne, whom I call Kait, is a fiery, tiny thing who lives in New York City. She is passionate and artistic and dives headlong into her world. She was always my sounding board for story ideas. We would be in the car and discuss “what ifs” and “what nexts.” She would hold my idea notebook and a pen and furiously scribble notes as we talked. Those sessions have spawned actual books and short stories. I miss that now that she has moved so very far away. I see my passion and love of the arts in her as well as my determination to see things through and succeed.
Aaron is my next born, although he only beat his twin brother by 27 minutes or so. Aaron, too, feels deeply. Of all my children, I see much of my own heart in him. This is a man who will openly weep over the pain of others. He works with the children in church and is training to be a youth pastor. He thinks things through and moves only after thought. I used to say he led with his brain and talked his brother into executing his ideas!
Alex is the middle child. He is a writer. While he has the insecurities of a typical writer, I secretly read his online work/reviews and am blown away by the sophistication of this 20-year-old’s words. He shares my incredible love of football. I cannot forget the joy on his face when he received his ticket to a Packer game this year! Alex has my aggressive nature toward success. And, yet, he has a tender, giving heart.
Kelsey is about to move into the world past high school. She has a maturity far beyond that of her peers, yet is unafraid to indulge in a few teenage interests. She looks most like I did as a child with her light blonde hair and high cheekbones. She has my tendency to zero in on an interest and become almost obsessed with finding out everything she can about it. She is also a natural onstage and as a stage manager. I admire her tenacity and intelligence.
Aiden is my baby. Although at about six feet tall with a full beard, he does not look much like a baby. Aiden, too, loves music and can talk about it in complex terms. He plays drums, which I had wished to do as a child…but girls didn’t play drums then. I’ve purchased him both an acoustic and an electronic kit. He is exploring his faith and I enjoy watching him growing into a man.
Five children all born within six years. I did not see then that they would all leave the nest just as quickly as they arrived. Next year it will only be Aiden at home. And then he will be gone to college. 23 years with these precious children. And then my life changes and I have to find a new reality, a new identity. Of course, I will still be a mother. But the role changes as they become adults and take over the leadership of their own lives.
I wish I could step back for a day and relive the 1:00 appointment every day at the city pool, the visits to the zoo, the butterfly gardens, reading “Go, Dog, Go” and Harry Potter.
I read every one of those amazing books aloud to them.
My children, especially Aaron and Alex, loved the first quidditch game in “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” (I raised a bunch of sports fans…even fictional sports excited them!). When I took them to the first movie, they wore their little robes and pointy wizard hats. When the quidditch game was about to begin, I looked over to the two boys. They clenched the seat back in front of them with white-knuckled hands, squatting on their chairs, huge HUGE smiles of anticipation on their faces. My mother’s heart melted.
As young adults, I took them to see the final movie. Together. As a family.
When the quidditch pitch burned, I saw it as a symbol of the losses I am now experiencing. And I wept.
After the movie, my son embraced me and wept as well.
I grieve the loss of that part of my life. But I am so excited to see each of them grow beyond my little world and find their own. I will always be grateful that they are mine, but also their own. I love them each in the powerful way that only a mother can.
e. e. cummings wrote "i carry your heart with me, i carry it in my heart..." But I know that my children carry my heart with them, no matter where they go in the world. And I, carry them, their hearts with me.
So…forgive my indulgence today. My day. Mother’s day.
My readers will recognize them in my writings. In fact, each of them appears in “Maxie: A Football Story” as the characters are based on them!
Kaitlynne, whom I call Kait, is a fiery, tiny thing who lives in New York City. She is passionate and artistic and dives headlong into her world. She was always my sounding board for story ideas. We would be in the car and discuss “what ifs” and “what nexts.” She would hold my idea notebook and a pen and furiously scribble notes as we talked. Those sessions have spawned actual books and short stories. I miss that now that she has moved so very far away. I see my passion and love of the arts in her as well as my determination to see things through and succeed.
Aaron is my next born, although he only beat his twin brother by 27 minutes or so. Aaron, too, feels deeply. Of all my children, I see much of my own heart in him. This is a man who will openly weep over the pain of others. He works with the children in church and is training to be a youth pastor. He thinks things through and moves only after thought. I used to say he led with his brain and talked his brother into executing his ideas!
Alex is the middle child. He is a writer. While he has the insecurities of a typical writer, I secretly read his online work/reviews and am blown away by the sophistication of this 20-year-old’s words. He shares my incredible love of football. I cannot forget the joy on his face when he received his ticket to a Packer game this year! Alex has my aggressive nature toward success. And, yet, he has a tender, giving heart.
Kelsey is about to move into the world past high school. She has a maturity far beyond that of her peers, yet is unafraid to indulge in a few teenage interests. She looks most like I did as a child with her light blonde hair and high cheekbones. She has my tendency to zero in on an interest and become almost obsessed with finding out everything she can about it. She is also a natural onstage and as a stage manager. I admire her tenacity and intelligence.
Aiden is my baby. Although at about six feet tall with a full beard, he does not look much like a baby. Aiden, too, loves music and can talk about it in complex terms. He plays drums, which I had wished to do as a child…but girls didn’t play drums then. I’ve purchased him both an acoustic and an electronic kit. He is exploring his faith and I enjoy watching him growing into a man.
Five children all born within six years. I did not see then that they would all leave the nest just as quickly as they arrived. Next year it will only be Aiden at home. And then he will be gone to college. 23 years with these precious children. And then my life changes and I have to find a new reality, a new identity. Of course, I will still be a mother. But the role changes as they become adults and take over the leadership of their own lives.
I wish I could step back for a day and relive the 1:00 appointment every day at the city pool, the visits to the zoo, the butterfly gardens, reading “Go, Dog, Go” and Harry Potter.
I read every one of those amazing books aloud to them.
My children, especially Aaron and Alex, loved the first quidditch game in “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” (I raised a bunch of sports fans…even fictional sports excited them!). When I took them to the first movie, they wore their little robes and pointy wizard hats. When the quidditch game was about to begin, I looked over to the two boys. They clenched the seat back in front of them with white-knuckled hands, squatting on their chairs, huge HUGE smiles of anticipation on their faces. My mother’s heart melted.
As young adults, I took them to see the final movie. Together. As a family.
When the quidditch pitch burned, I saw it as a symbol of the losses I am now experiencing. And I wept.
After the movie, my son embraced me and wept as well.
I grieve the loss of that part of my life. But I am so excited to see each of them grow beyond my little world and find their own. I will always be grateful that they are mine, but also their own. I love them each in the powerful way that only a mother can.
e. e. cummings wrote "i carry your heart with me, i carry it in my heart..." But I know that my children carry my heart with them, no matter where they go in the world. And I, carry them, their hearts with me.
So…forgive my indulgence today. My day. Mother’s day.